me: have I told you about my theory that heaven is exclusively populated by great apes because they were also made in god's image but were not born with original sin?
a cop: we meant a statement about all the crimes you committed
Interviewer: Do you have any convictions?
Me: Pineapple doesn't belong on pizza.
@ape ohhh yeah I was hoping for this one
@cuttlefish had to
@cuttlefish it's my only good post
@ape hey that's not true
@ape I grew up in a Christian family and spent the first 16 years of my life rabidly devoted to studying and following the teachings of Christ, and nothing I have ever experienced, read, learned, heard, or seen has made me want to go to heaven as badly as this post.
@marie_joseph he moves in mysterious ways
@marie_joseph this is the nicest reply I've ever gotten
@ape this is an absolute game changer
@ape there's a reason we call them monk eys
A posting sanctuary for goblins of all kinds to cause mischief and scurry about.