me: have I told you about my theory that heaven is exclusively populated by great apes because they were also made in god's image but were not born with original sin?

a cop: we meant a statement about all the crimes you committed

Interviewer: Do you have any convictions?

Me: Pineapple doesn't belong on pizza.

@ape I grew up in a Christian family and spent the first 16 years of my life rabidly devoted to studying and following the teachings of Christ, and nothing I have ever experienced, read, learned, heard, or seen has made me want to go to heaven as badly as this post.

@marie_joseph this is the nicest reply I've ever gotten

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A posting sanctuary for goblins of all kinds to cause mischief and scurry about.