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Testimonials:
"Omfg you jackals"
"omfg it’s YOU"
"YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF GARBAGE I WANTED TO GUESS THAT AT LEAST 3 SEPARATE TIMES BUT I WAS LIKE “NOOOOO SABRINA THAT’S WAY TOO SPECIFIC DON’T BOTHER” JAJEJEJJDDBXBSJSJHSH"

These are all from sabrina

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the spit valve of a brass instrument is a little nipple for the jazz milk 😈

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you cant have shit around here ( i left a frozen croissant out to proof overnight so i could have it for breakfast then one of my parents cooked it and the other ate it)

the fucking gotham city emergency alert scared the shit out of me when it went off

in which i crumble into archaic dust 

just saw someone refer to usb-c as "normal usb" in contrast to usb-a

dunno what gamzee is or why i'm seeing that word everywhere but i once got hired by a company called gamzee and they laid me off two days later because the company ran out of money

your honor, as an ex-snouts user i can only be tried in a court of admiralty law. and as such i will awoo as i please

5 seconds after hearing about the cost of american ambulances: jesus fuck that's monstrous
6 seconds after hearing about the cost of american ambulances: god dammit it's like that here too isn't it

i will never skip class at college because if i start to its all downhill from there

why is there a Nietzsche book in the corner of Nyanner’s milking cam stream and why is it perfect for the subject at hand

‪I am now your college philosophy professor I’ll need at least 1500 words on Nietzsche’s views relating to lactation by in 2 weeks everybody, that’s 4 classes from now for those of you who are simultaneously disconnected from human time but somehow attend my lectures regularly‬

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if i accidentally screenshared porn i would act as if i don't see it, and if someone said something, spin it as a test of who is ready to 'speak truth to power even when it's inconvenient'

in retrospect, i should not have "glomped" the hr director when they called me in to talk about the incident where i deliberately screenshared my abdl.cafe account in a shareholder meeting. anyway i'm starting a patreon (🧵)

Kanye West hiring the cinematographer of Joker (2019) to operate twenty large format digital cameras simultaneously so he could beg Kim Kardashian not to leave him is probably one of the funniest things that has happened

thinking about how the other day goat described lancer by pointing out that the fact that one of the crew is doing a Little Shop of Horrors and feeding human beings to a plant is, at best, a D-plot

referring to all surgery above the waist as top surgery and everything below the waist as bottom surgery

wisdom teeth removed ? top surgery

hip replacement ? bottom surgery

hope this helps

a karen variant is the “overly intense high school english teacher”

"do you think they've explored each others bodies" is always funny

*leaning over as if to suck my own dick then blowing really hard, inverting my dick into a pussy*

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