me after:

-> having a bit of onanistic "me" time
-> continuing to work on cutting up wooden panels into the correct shape for the garden wall
-> indulging in the pleasant english pastime of putting tree nuts through string and smashing them together to decide a victor

"veni, vidi, vici"

Sex was invented in 1782 by John Sex, who mistakenly fell upon his wife while bathing and was subsequently excommunicated by the Catholic Church

smol bourgeoise. a soft fren whom owns property ;). a babie wif a two car garage

My Australian Siri boyfriend Harry is refusing to vibrate me to orgasm because I said I don't like his sassy tone

Rebranding my account as 'The Moist Maoist' really don't know what I have planned yet but it's gonna be fucking terrible

blackbird vaping in the dead of night
take these chunky rips and post a Vine
All your life
you were only waiting for this cotton to be fine

Just saw someone carrying a bag of dog shit, and not dangling it by the handles, just actually clutching the shit in their palm

me, taking a dump in a train station toilet while I hold the cubicle door closed with one hand because the lock is broken: wow, such a liminal space

the future is now... in 2019, instead of simply breaking up, cis people try opening the relationship and starting a joint tinder account where they post pictures of them doing the worst forced smiles of all time

Think I might take a break from being correct all the time. Kick my feet up and be wrong for once

I've got prescription sunglasses, my eyes are fine I've just been prescribed them to make me even more cool

Yeah I'm not sure about that takeaway, Vice. The biggest node on the Mastodon network is actually my ass

Stop Being Mean To Healyn Challenge 2019

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A sanctuary for goblins of all kinds to lurk and cause mischief.