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banned from my local pro shitting league for using performance-enhancing drugs

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Medieval Chad/Virgin shitpost 

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dude i don't give a flying fuck. i don't give a running shit. i don't give a rolling piss

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going absolutely apeshit in my lord's wheat fields

I don't know if this is because I've been online for too long but sometimes I make up a bad take no one has said and then get disproportionately mad about it.

gonna bonk myself in the head with a big cartoonish plastic hammer

like to lock eyes with the trainer on route 12 because of the implication

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@dankwraith
"Go ahead and just tell me your thoughts about reality, and I'll go ahead and hit the buzzer when I disagree, okay?"
"Well, okay. Reality is--"
*The buzzer sounds*

selfies, alc, boosts ok 

what's it like being the kind of funny that doesn't make people yell at you

Weed 

i don't like this beer. delete and redraught

damn it really just made people think that we have the spirit of my mouth, but as a fleshlight

cop: i repeat, this is a tasty Sub Way submarine sandwich

you: *makes any claim about the nature of reality*

me, a philosopher:

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𝔊𝔬𝔟𝔩𝔦𝔫 ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔭

A posting sanctuary for goblins of all kinds to cause mischief and scurry about.