soump slurnper @pizza@goblin.camp

they call me Rodent Lord, Rat King, The Angel of Cheese. far and wide they speak my names: Filth Monger, The Scurrier, Nibbler of Crumbs. their ancestors will write my names in their histories: CrustCruncher, Stench Lurker, and He Whomst Nasty As Hell. By all these names I am called, and all these names shall be feared forevermore

banned from my local pro shitting league for using performance-enhancing drugs

why does the Chad Noble get to live in the inner castle while us serfs are stuck out here toiling in the fields? why does Lady Veronica always go for the asshole knights who will just treat them badly? us serfs have developed superior dexterity from working with our hands all day, which means better stamina and performance in bed. we really do live in a freaking monarchy, peasants rise up

dude i don't give a flying fuck. i don't give a running shit. i don't give a rolling piss

going absolutely apeshit in my lord's wheat fields

just got my first gen 8 lv 100 >:)

nobody has ever cummed, science still considers it just a theory
#mastodev

this one's getting slept on. adding the #ass hashtag so someone from the #asscommunity can find it later.

hunched over the bubbler like a fucking crusty hag in a swamp hut, I snap my fingers to light the bowl magically and take a huge rip. I lean back in my wooden rocking chair and exhale, and fluttery magic sparkles come out with the smoke.

sitting on my throne (toilet) and making important decisions about the governance of my kingdom (ass)

Gun Ass will be the death of me