Pinned toot

you ran around in that cave for so long, looking for me. you stuck around in the shittiest little town in Hoenn, for me. you wasted so many precious resources fighting Aron, for me, and throwing Pokéballs, at me. and when you finally caught me, you named me Shinji because I would not get into the fuckign Pokéball, even though Shinji Ikari was if anything overeager to get in the fuckign robot.

yeah. I know I'm that goblin

"hobgoblins" becoming the more military cousins of goblins in D&D is funny for a couple reasons,

one of them being that "goblin," "kobold," "elf," "fairy," "gnome," "spirit," and even "youkai" are nearly translations for one another but several of those are distinct creatures with biologies and ecologies in D&D,

the other being that a "hobgoblin" is a goblin that lives in your house, they're basically the coffee shop AU of goblins

everyone's like "did u steal those gems" no. they are part of my body. if I wanted a gem I would simply phase into the dark parts of the earth, and get it myself

what I steal is your phone and keys and put them in the cabinet where you keep the coffee

the best part of my body which is forged from pluripotent primeval darkness? well, you will not be surprised to know, it is my spike's

you were standing in the bathroom with the lights off chanting "bloody mary bloody mary" into the mirror... what was I supposed to do? NOT leave clawmarks on the silvered side of the glass?

you are looking for me. you have turned the house upside down looking for me. where am I?? am I in the cabinets? (no) am I in the basement? (no) am I in the dryer? (no but good guess) am I in the linen closet? (no)

it is very simple: I am in the darkness on the inside of your eyes. ha, ha! I am planning to give you a little fright by crawling out when you give up on looking for me

when you cut me, do I not bleed? no. I smoke and you really should not be breathing that in. do you by some chance have a first aid fume hood

you ran around in that cave for so long, looking for me. you stuck around in the shittiest little town in Hoenn, for me. you wasted so many precious resources fighting Aron, for me, and throwing Pokéballs, at me. and when you finally caught me, you named me Shinji because I would not get into the fuckign Pokéball, even though Shinji Ikari was if anything overeager to get in the fuckign robot.

yeah. I know I'm that goblin

goblins: twink orcs or?

orcs: himbo goblins?

In most Kobolid Draconic dialects, the root <en-w-y-ll> (trans. literally: 'can' <en-> 'eat' <w-y-ll>) is an idiom meaning, 'to be good, to be useful, to function.'

Ex:
-<Enwayoill> (lit. 'I can eat that')
'That will do, I can make that work'
-<'ah enewoyllum?> (lit. 'Can we eat that?')
rhetorical question; 'Well shit, whoops, that won't do'.

Misunderstandings sometimes result when non-kobold arcane casters, trained in Classical Draconic, are mistakenly caught in a kobold clan's hunting trap.

What Is A Kobold?
A Dog
A Lizard
A Monky
A Person
and A Friend

Pokégender shitpost (rough gendered language including F-slur) 

bro.. fuckin relax... like goddamn chill out im just tryin to climb into ur ear canals like fuckin chill bro ...

I am NOT getting inside that Pokéball. it's so... bright

when you cut me, do I not bleed? no. I smoke and you really should not be breathing that in. do you by some chance have a first aid fume hood

okay look dude, I honestly wasn't trying to prank you. how in this house can you see a bathtub full of ink-black water, assume someone was dying a backpack or whatever, and unplug the drain without expecting it to start screaming

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𝔊𝔬𝔟𝔩𝔦𝔫 ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔭

A sanctuary for goblins of all kinds to lurk and cause mischief.